I, like most people, sucked at online dating.
Plus being a shy Asian guy made it 100x worse.
First response I got from my very first online dating site during my college days.. i was ecstatic.
Ah yes, the innocence of the newbie online daters.
I’d love to tell you that I got wiser over time as I got older, but no, I sucked at it.
Again and again. For about a decade.
Sure, the odds were good, but the goods were odd.
The most interesting ones? I had women who
- posted pictures of themselves from their 20’s and now were old enough to be my mom
- claimed to be models… apparently hair or feet models but i couldn’t possibly see where else
- conveniently forgot about their kids in the profile
- conveniently forgot about the fact that they are trannies
If you’ve never tried online dating, you are missing out.
It’s the greatest show on earth. Better than day time soap.
Problem? My profile sucked.
I mean royally.
I had a picture of my face that was kinda hard to see… and I basically went on the SHOTGUN approach.
In marketing, this is equivalent to being everything to everyone.. in hopes of getting money.
No unique selling proposition.. no benefits or features that people want.. and of course, irrelevant messaging.
Hope from Skype Message
In 2011, I was doing business with some online dating companies.
I was basically marketing their web products.
Of course, since I was risking my money to bring them customers, I honed my skills to get the best possible BANG for the buck.
Other than Facebook ads, I was running ads on POF (a free dating site), and that’s where I met my account manager Ben Louie.
We were chatting about dating ads, and he mentioned how he found his fiancee (now his wife) there.. and he mentioned,
“hey why don’t you do all this marketing stuff to your own profile?”
Like most marketers, I never really thought of marketing my own self.. and this was the AHA moment for me.
Hell, why the hell not?
It’s my dating life. Treat it like any other web product I was promoting.
And so I did.
First few things I did..
- I uploaded a WHOLE new set of pics that I know gets women’s attention
- I made my dating picture more attention grabbing
- I used copywriting and story telling to my own profile
I don’t have a screenshot of my initial profile but this is what it looked like before the edits..
As far as word count, it went from about a 150 to over 800.
What did I talk about?
The same stuff that you talk about in COPYWRITING…
- explained benefits not features – I explained what it would be like to date me
- told stories not try to sell – I basically TOLD them a condensed version of my adult life
In fact, I’ll just SHARE with you what I wrote:
Let me tell you a little story about me…
=====> Nerdy beginnings
I was THE typical Asian kid when I was growing up.
Diligent with school.. listened to what my mom had to say.. work on weekends… and of course get straight A’s otherwise, I’d get the cone of shame from my parents.
Pretty throughout HS and college, I didn’t really socialize much.. let alone meet women.
Of course, I am a guy.. and every guy wants to meet someone special (which explains POF).
But I was shy.. low on self confidence… broke most of my childhood… So meeting a girl seemed like a fairy tale.
Then.. BAM.. after college, i started working, which meant I moved out and started making money.
Some SERIOUS money.
=====> Life got fast
Of course, with more money then I knew what to do with came the fast life of partying, drinking, meeting women.. I was the innocent child who was new to this life of glamour and well, fun and exciting.
But things kinda got out of control … and things went down. pretty FAST.
For next 2-3 years of my life, I must’ve visited every bar, club, and party within 25 mile radius on daily basis.
Of course if you spend most of your night doing stupid things.. trouble will come looking for you… fights, arguments, broken friendships, bailing friends out of jail,… this was NOT what I signed up for.
How did I go from a chubby nerdy altar boy (yes, i was one of’em) to this law breaking, party animal?
It was a low point in my life.
I was questioning who I became,… and was seriously depressed.
=====> Spiritual Revelation on Tivo
One night, in my drunken stupor after partying 6 hours non-stop… being depressed and feeling lonely, I decided to turn on TV.
And who was on TV? Tony Robbins.
He said some stuff that inspired me… then I started reading other books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad… Purpose Driven Life… and all kinds of books I would consider “crap”.
Then came the light of hope.. I got depressed because this isn’t who I am nor was I doing anything interesting with my life that adds value to anyone’s life.
========> Clean Up and Shape Up
I decided to stop hanging out with my (dumbass) party & drama friends and seek out something better.
First, I dropped 10 lbs.. I was never fat, but i got serious about my health… eating better, exercising daily.
Then, I started reading every business book I can get my hands on.. and started meditating every day.
I wanted to be an entrepreneur… (Even though I’m no longer the mama’s boy that I once was, I still honor my mom … and want to take care of her financially in her retirement years.. And of course, make an impact on my customers, my employees, and of course, the world.
========> Journey in Progress
Am I filthy rich? No… not YET. ;P
I’m blessed with a career that gives me the freedom to either work from home or from a hammock on the beach (both of which I’ve done, but prefer office much more).
Not gonna lie to you.. it wasn’t always this rosy.
For 7 years.. I was struggling just to pay the rent and eat bare minimum.
Every time things went bad, I would question why in the world anyone would give up a six figure job to struggle.. then soemthing inside me kept saying “don’t give up”.
Now after the struggle.. I am seeing the light of day.
Where will I be in 3 years? Who knows..
All I know is… I plan on making enough so my wife never has to work, but instead be a mom and a wife who can support me emotionally when things get tough.. and can share the happiness and pleasure of being on this journey together.
===========> What I’m Looking For
.. a woman who I can wake up next to every morning and say “damn I’m the luckiest man in the world.. how did I get a woman like this”
.. a woman who I can grow old with and walk down the park with our wrinkly hands together
.. a woman who I can lean on when things get tough and I feel like crying like a little girl
.. a woman who will tell me when I do something wrong or stupid..
.. a woman who will be the greatest mom, lover, and partner
PS: If you’re not Asian, that’s OK. In fact, I encourage you to msg me. I’m really curious about people who are different from who I am on romantic interest level.
PPS: Age really doesn’t matter to me b/c i’ve met 21 years olds who are more mature than my mom… and people who are in their retirement age who act like they just graduated HS. Cool is cool. Sexy is sexy. No need to use your age as an excuse from life’s vast possibilities.
PPPS: My story is really mine.. it wasn’t a copy paste job from some website. ;P
Hell YEAH it worked.
Let me explain by what I mean by “it worked” – QUALITY.
Call me crazy, but i actually recorded what kind of jobs these women had.
I’m going to give a FEW… (i had some good quality before copywriting and some bad after copywriting.. but I’m just trying to prove a point).
|Before Copywriting||After Copywriting|
|Ex-NYC bartender with rap sheet||Medical student who is now a eastern medicine practitioner|
|Cafe barista||VP of project management at national defense company|
|Security guard||Lady who sits on board of directors at a VERRRRRRY well known silicon valley tech company|
|Bunch of college dropouts / GEDs||Lawyer in charge of 20+ lawyers at a VERRRRRRY large health care company|
|Bunch of girls still in college in their late 20s||Ph.D student who owned her own farm|
|Single moms living on spousal/child support||Entrepreneur who’s already made multi millions in her own business|
|Girls on some kind of psychological medications||MD/ph.D entrepreneur getting courted by a large German medical device company|
Ok, before you go throwing the judgmental fingers.. I want to make a point that
- you cannot tell a person’s quality of character by the jobs they do
- just because people have problems does not mean that they’re bad people (hell i have problems too)
- people can change
HOWEVER… I’d also like to point out that
- I am not Jesus
- I do not have infinite time (or patience) so I can’t wait for things to change forever
- I can only see & deal with what I have for that time being
Now.. why did the quality improve so much?
Here’s my guess – PEOPLE HAD TO READ.
People who are lazy, illiterate, or just don’t like to read wasn’t for me ANYWAY.
Plus, women APPRECIATE guys sharing their stories on their profile… makes him stand out
Incredible… in fact, I got good enough to help a friend with his online dating (you can read that story here).
Takeaway? Words are mightier than the sword, indeed.
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