Ever see this commercial?
Yeah, i have too.I dunno why. But I couldn’t stop thinking how stupid this ad is. Why would any one, including KIDS, would call anyone a “turkey”? Even if the other party IS a drug dealer. In that case, I wouldn’t push the drug dealer and call him a turkey. Don’t these kids learn that drug dealer carry big ass guns and aren’t afraid to use them?
These kids shouldn’t be watching furry cuddly cartoons. They should be watching Locked Up on TLC or something like that. If we’re gonna teach kids something, might as well teach them something useful that’ll get them out of a dangerous situation, where a white, teenie bopper, suburban 10 year old drug dealer is pushing drugs to 7-8 year olds in a school hallway with apparently no adult supervision whatsoever in a country where parents are so freaked about even kids getting bullied as to demand government make laws against it.
Note: To those parents who’re bitchin’ & complainin’ that the government or the school is not doing enough to protect our kids, you have only two solutions..
1) Take the kid out of school. Simple. Want no trouble? Fine, then get out of trouble’s way.
1) Stop bitchin’ and start being what parents are supposed to be: PARENTS. Freakin’ take responsibility for your child. It’s YOUR child, not Uncle Sam’s or the public board of education.
This is yes-this-is-ugly-but-it’s-part-of-growing-up. Maybe teach the kid how to avoid or get out of those situations, or teach him some self defense… or god forbid, tell their kids to stand up for himself. I don’t encourage physical violence, but shit, sometimes you gotta bitch slap someone if they’re threatening you (or your loved ones).
But I digress. Back to the weed stuff.
Now that I do more marketing, I understand why companies (yes, drug dealers are companies too) give out freebies: to either spam you with marketing promotions or get you hooked. The older kid in the video probably had the same intent. He saw a young innocent victim who’d actually try his product and maybe get hooked. Thereby creating a loyal customer for his business, making him rich.
So that’s the theory. Here’s the actual number:
- average number of kids in elementary/primary schoool (reference): 446
- percentage of kids in elementary school that tried drugs (reference)- 28.5%, with 10.8% who have in past 30 days
- average amount of weed in a joint (reference) – 0.3 to 1 gram. Let’s assume .3 is enough to get kids high.
- average price of weed: it can vary depending on how ‘good’ but it seems like $10-20 is the prevalent rate (reference)
Those are the facts. Here are some assumptions:
- Those who have tried in past 30 days are the regular pothead crowd that might smoke one full joint at least twice a month
- The profit margin is 50% and the turkey is selling cheap crap, i.e. buys for $5/gram and sells for $10/gram, because quite frankly, $10 was BIG money for me in elementary school.
- Those who have tried it, got it for free, and tried it only once in the WHOLE year. And when they did, they smoked the WHOLE joint
Let’s assume, this “turkey” drug dealer is the ONLY drug dealer in school (pretty unlikely because kids are pretty entrepreneurial these days).
This means, on the average, this turkey is pushing freebie trials to
- 28.5% x 446 = 127 kids tried it
- .3g per joint x 127 = 38 grams … now his cost is 5/gram * 38 gram = $380 DOLLARS for these free loaders.
Now suppose instantaneously, that 10.8% have become regulars and smoke at least 2x a month:
- 10.8% x 446 = 48 regulars
- .3g/joint x 2 joints/person x 48 persons = 28.8 grams in sale
- 28.8 grams x $10/gram = $288 total revenue
- @ 50% cost of goods sold, his NET revenue is = $144
So first month, $144-$190 = -$46.
But of course, the turkey, if he can sustain this first month of loss, he’ll come to realize that he’ll make profit of $144 every month until he gets caught and locked up, or gets beaten up and have his turf taken away by a bigger turkey.. but that’s besides the point.
So the problem isn’t kids selling drugs per se, but kids who can’t do math… or kids who aren’t very good at sales…or aren’t very good at finding loyal customers.
So kids, unless you are really good at marketing, accounting, and salesmanship, stay in school and don’t sell drugs. And if you are good at those things, why are you even in school?
Disclaimer: This post was intended to be a joke. If you’re mad, oh well, you can always plant tulips. Yes, planting tulips. Tu-lips on my ass.
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